Scotch and Sirens - Lizzy and Darcy - Scotch and Sirens

Lizzy, who had awoken before anyone else, dressed and made her way down stairs. It was a glorious day and she realised as she ate her breakfast that a solitary walk was exactly what she needed to set her new resolve firmly in place.

After setting out, she briskly made her way across the grassy, wind swept fields. She loved the rugged look and feel of this area. Its wild beauty was always soothing to her. Some time into her walk, while coming over the top of a rise, she saw Lucy Steele only yards from her coming up the other side.

“Well, good morning! I did not expect to run into anyone else out this early. You enjoy morning walks also I see!” Lizzy said in greeting.

“Oh, no, I am afraid I do not like nature as well as you do, nor exercise I am afraid,” and Lucy mopped her brow with the back of her hand. “But I had thought to pay you a visit this morning, and I see you have saved me some of the journey.”

Yes, thought Lizzy, she had been expecting a visit from Lucy soon. “Well, if you would like to join me, we can always journey in your direction home to save you even more rambling about the countryside then,” Lizzy replied, to which Lucy agreed most heartily.

Darcy rode his horse without a particular direction in mind. His thoughts had been wandering to his latest conversation with Elizabeth. He had been extremely pleased with its course, especially their mutual assertion of their friendship. It was all Darcy had hoped for since their last meeting in Hunsford. Her severe critique of his conduct was still a painful memory. His altered behaviour had seemed to be winning her good opinion when they had met at Pemberley, but her sojourn was so abruptly interrupted and such a long time had passed since then that he had been very confused when they had met again. Now it had all finally taken a better direction. He knew of course that their agreement could not be called a real friendship. In fact it was nothing more than a declaration of good will. Still, it was a very good start. He had long ago understood that she could never love him, and he was proud enough not to pursue a mere fantasy. Yet, he held her in too great esteem not to try his best to secure her friendship.

‘Friendship then, it will be,’ thought Darcy, and with a much lighter heart he hastened his horse along.

After several miles of galloping and then stopping to water his mount, Darcy slowly wandered through the woods, leisurely making his way home. There had been enough outdoor activities during recent days. It was time to occupy his mind with a good book. His thoughts started to focus on Kant’s works. In particularly the thin line that lies between the capable of being known, phenomena, and noumena, remaining beyond the limits of knowledge. It was then that his thoughts started to involuntary reanalyse his former resolve.

While I don’t see you, I don’t shed a tear
I never lose my senses when you’re near,
But, with our meetings few and far between
There's something missing, waiting to be seen.
Is there a name for what I’m thinking of?
Are we just friends? Or should I call this love?

As soon as we have said our last good-byes,
Your image never floats before my eyes;
But more than once, when you have been long gone,
I seemed to feel your presence linger on.
I wonder then what I’ve been thinking of.
Are we just friends? Or should I call this love?

When I’m downcast, I never seek relief
By pouring out my heart in tales of grief;
Yet, as I wander aimlessly, once more
I somehow end up knocking at your door;
What brought me here? What am I thinking of?
Are we just friends? Or should I call this love?

I'd give my life to keep you sound and well,
To make you smile, I would descend to hell;
But though I'd climb the mountains, swim the seas
I do not look to be your health and peace:
Again I ask, what am I thinking of?
Are we just friends? Or should I call this love?

And when you place your hand upon my palm,
I am enveloped in a blissful calm,
Prefiguring some final, gentle rest;
But still my heart beats loudly in my breast
As if to ask: what are you thinking of?
Are you two friends? Or will you call this love?

Not bardic spirit seized my mortal tongue
When I thought of you and composed this song;
But still, I can’t help wondering sometimes:
Where did these notions come from, and these rhymes?
In heaven's name, what I was dreaming of?
And what had inspired me? Friendship or love?

This poem by Adam Mickiewicz is also a song.
Click to listen to Uncertaintity sung by Marek Grechuta.

Lizzy walked along with Lucy and listened to her chat about the dinner. She was not required to respond very much in the beginning, as Lucy only needed her to agree with her pleasant observations. She wondered though, how long it would be before the girl brought up Mr. Darcy, for she knew that was why she had come all of this way, and Lizzy dreaded it. The terrible things she had said about him and the way she had tried to use Lucy was deplorable. She regretted both things immensely and knew she had to make it right.

Lucy stopped their forward progress and finally turned the subject to their conversation of that night.

“I must say that I found what you had said about Mr. Darcy very unlikely. He seemed a most agreeable and charming man when I spoke to him. I cannot imagine that he would like a woman who is a chatterbox at all. Quite the opposite!” she exclaimed, looking slyly at Lizzy. “One would think you meant to make me look a fool in front of him?”

Lizzy blushed with embarrassment and sincerely replied, “You are quite right Lucy. Those things I said were insupportable. I am afraid my senses temporarily left me. I meant to cause mischief in a teasing manner, but did not reflect how it might be treating you. It was not my intention to make you look foolish. Nor should I have thought to tease him in such a way. Please forgive me! I will understand if you do not wish to speak to me again.”

Lucy, looking not at all bothered, triumphantly said, “Miss Bennet, do not think me a fool. I think your intention was to keep him for yourself. I could easily tell him what you had said and ruin any chance you think you may have with him, and I will if you do not stay clear of him. Do we have an understanding?”

Lizzy was quite taken aback. She was so surprised at the girl’s forwardness and quite appalled at the threat. She gathered her anger and held it back as best she could when she finally spoke in return.

“Miss Steele, I assure you that whatever my intentions regarding Mr. Darcy they are none of your concern. Yours, however, are very obvious, and do not think for a moment that everyone does not see through you. I will not stand here and have you hold threats of any kind over my head. I will tell him myself of my folly before I will let any threats you make govern any of my actions. You may certainly do as you like, and I expect it will be your worst, but you will not control me in any manner using such a deplorable method as blackmail!”

She turned and immediately began climbing the small hill to her left, the wind beating at her back. Lucy shouted after her, “Do not think I will not use it against you, Miss Bennet!” and the girl stalked off in the other direction.

Lizzy reached the top in the height of indignation only to find herself staring at Mr. Darcy on horseback just a little way down the hill in front of her, a most surprised look on his face.

He was even more astonished with Elizabeth's unexpected appearance in front of him than with the conversation he had just heard. They stared at each other for a while. He soon realised, however, that she had to feel even more uncomfortable than he did. He descended from his horse and approached her.

“Good morning Miss Bennet, what a nice surprise. Would you mind my joining you on your walk?”

She thought he had an uncanny knack for coming upon her when she was certainly not showing her best side. She worried over how much he had heard but could not avoid walking with him now in any case.

“Why yes, Mr. Darcy, you may join me.”

They started to walk, and one clandestine glance at her was enough for Darcy to see her confusion. It was obvious that she was wondering how much he had heard. Darcy decided to be frank with her. He smiled and looked into her eyes.

“Miss Bennet, I believe you were just going to tell me something.”

She froze in place. Looking anywhere but directly at him. Realising there was nothing to be done but have it over with, she began, “You did hear then… I am most mortified that you would be subjected to such a conversation. I give my most humble apologies for any discomfort you may be feeling! I only rush to add that my discomfort must be in equal measures to your own, if not even more magnified.” Her embarrassment was so deeply felt she could not look him in the eye.

“Yes, I was about to tell you of something I foolishly said. I must add first that it is not normally in my character to act in such a way. I was temporarily taken over by a silly thought to further study your character and, I must admit, by a silly need to have Lucy expose herself I suppose, although I did not realise that at the time. It was neither generous nor kind of me to yourself or Miss Steele, and I am heartily ashamed that I acted on the impulse.”

She stole a glance at him to judge how he might be taking it. Seeing nothing in his look that she could read, she went on, still unable to look him directly in the eye.

“When the ladies left the gentlemen after dinner, Lucy began to ask for details about you. I will not elaborate upon why, as you have probably experienced such attentions about yourself before this and can make your own conclusions based upon what you have just heard. Also… this is about my folly, not anyone else's.

“I told her that you liked to be spoken to endlessly about nothing by women. I implied that she should do that, even if you seemed not to desire it. That it would be welcomed all the same. I know it must be quite the opposite of your own preferences, as you do not usually talk a great deal at such gatherings.” She could not bring herself to say anything about implying that he was looking for a wife, imagining what he would think of her own actions in light of their last conversation of that evening. “Oh, I do not know what else I said! I regretted it as soon as it was out of my mouth and spent the rest of the evening lurking around you both in case you needed rescuing from my stupid, impulsive mistake! If you do not wish to speak with me, or even to be in the same room with me again, I shall completely understand and respect your wishes!”

She waited for his response while staring at her feet.

Darcy looked at her with concern. “Miss Bennet, have we not promised each other to always assume good will?”

She nodded, still without looking up at him. Darcy studied the situation silently. Finally he started to laugh.

“Miss Bennet, please, you cannot be afraid of me. I do not feel any discomfort, rather I was only curious to know what exactly you said about me and… and why.”

Relieved somewhat by his response, she finally did bring her face up and peered at him shyly. “That you would be so generous to stand by your words should not surprise me. I cannot help but think that you are too kind in this case, but I am grateful if you can see any good in my error.

“Then has your curiosity been satisfied, Sir? Do you have any further questions to ask of me?”

“Miss Bennet, I am not surprised that you two were talking about me, though now I see that indeed it was much more than the sum of my grounds.” Darcy smiled slightly. “However, I would really like to know what induced you to put me under such a test. You of course do not need to reply if it unsettles you.”

She thought for a moment before answering. “I must honestly say that I do not know, Mr. Darcy. Perhaps it is the same force that keeps bringing us together and that allows you to find me in my most unflattering moments that made me do it? Or maybe it was an impish siren, bored to tears, who caused me to act in such a way as punishment for thinking I was impersonating her?” and she finally smiled at him.

Darcy smiled back and they started to walk in the direction of Rosefarm. “I have a feeling that your impish siren will be my best friend. Thanks to her I can be of some help to you.” He looked into her eyes while his smile grew playful. “Probably she will be my only friend. It seems that your impish siren wants me to remain an old bachelor, since she is going to scare every lady from my acquaintance.”

She felt the sting of those words more strongly than anything else so far – the implication that she had driven away a prospective wife.

“Well, it seems she thinks I must need the help, or she would not have sent me someone so capable and understanding as yourself, Sir. As to being friendless in your old bachelor-hood, you have Lord Brougham, Mr. Bingley, and now you have me. Of course if these friendships will not do, there is always Miss Bingley and her sister.” She winced then. Would she ever stop saying the wrong thing to him?

“I think that imp siren has just visited me again. I do wish she would stop putting words into my mouth!” she attempted to make amends. “Besides, she seems to choose wisely for you, so you have nothing to complain about. Me, on the other hand, she continues to put into the most embarrassing situations!”

“Oh, of course I cannot complain of having so many friends. But I am afraid they will all marry one day and my bachelorhood will be a very lonely one. Even you, my new friend, will one day be put in the way of a man of your heart by your siren. But, indeed, I should not whine as long as Miss Bingley can keep me company.”

She laughed with him, and then replied, “Well, we shall have no more talk of sirens for right now, or she will make me begin to sing Burns songs at the top of my lungs to cheer you up. My siren has a rather odd sense of humour in what she will have me do at a moment’s notice, you know! So you ought to be forewarned, just in case.”

“Miss Bennet, your siren and I seem to be of one mind. I am not afraid of her.”

He smiled again and, hoping to find a new subject to distract her, pointed at his horse. “Miss Bennet, do you ride?”

“I must admit that I am not very experienced at it. I have always meant to learn but have never pursued it,” she replied, while petting the beautiful animal.

“Would you like me to teach you? I do not mean on Nelson of course. I could arrange a proper horse and a saddle for you.” He observed her closely, hesitating in case the proposal was too bold, though he heartily hoped she would agree.

She returned his look. He seemed serious in his offer and sincere. Still, she thought, Holly would not approve. She would question the resolve that she had said she would stand by.

“I am not sure, Mr. Darcy. I know my Aunt would approve, but...”

She continued to pet the horse and look back and forth between it and Mr. Darcy. She would have to do it without Holly knowing if she wanted to do it at all... and she did want to.

“... I would not wish for you to waste your time on me.”

“Miss Bennet, I would never think my time spent with you wasted.”

Darcy tried to check her gaze to see her true desire. She seemed unsure, but not offended by the idea.

“You do not seem entirely against it. Pray, is there anything more I can do to help you make up your mind?”

She hesitated. She had asked Holly to help keep her from spending any time alone with this man, and now she wished to arrange it for herself? It was only for the sake of their new friendship, she assured herself. It would be good to get to know each other better ... and giving her horseback riding lessons was certainly a friend-like thing for him to do for her.

She looked directly at him now, convinced it was the right and proper thing to do. “Mr. Darcy, this will seem strange to you. I would wish to learn how to ride better, but I would wish to keep the lessons just between you and me for now – if I were to accept your generous offer.”

“Certainly, Miss Bennet, as you wish. Thank you for your trust in my educational skills.” Darcy smiled genuinely to assure her that she had made a wise decision.

“Pray, would it be too much if I asked why you do not want anyone to be informed?”

She grew a little unsure now of her decision. Perhaps she should not agree. Plunging ahead before reason could prevail and she might talk herself out of it, she spoke honestly but worded her reply with care, leaving him to take her answer as he may, “It is my cousin really. She worries over much and might try to convince me it was not safe for me to take lessons. To be quite honest, I would rather not be talked out of it. It is that impish siren again, I think!” She finished quickly with, “Unless of course that arrangement is not agreeable to you?”

He smiled tenderly. The mere thought of sharing something with her, and with her only, was irresistible in its allure, but her unwillingness to have it shared with one of her closest relatives was so much more gratifying. Her cousin, indeed, seemed not to be disposed kindly toward any gentleman from what he had observed so far. Of course she would not look keenly on any time Miss Bennet might spend with one. He would not wish their friendship to begin with such a negative whispering in her ear against him, and he was grateful for her thoughtfulness, which would assure that their time be private and untainted by such prejudice.

“Then it will be much better not to let her know. I would never refuse myself the pleasure of seeing you advance. Where would you like me to meet you?”

They decided to meet in the mornings, since each was an early riser. They set both a time and location, and barring rain, would meet every morning. If one of them did not show up by a certain time, then they would know that he or she could not make it for some unforeseen reason and would simply return the next day. If either knew of a reason ahead of time for not being able to come, then the other would be informed if it was at all possible to do so. They would take their chances otherwise.

That settled, they walked along in companionable silence for a while, each occupied with his or her own thoughts. Lizzy was feeling slightly guilty that she planned to do this without Holly knowing, but at the same time she felt happy with the knowledge that if she could have nothing more, at least she would have the memories of time spent with him in this way – that she would have this to look forward to felt almost sinful and therefore that much more delicious. Of course, she reminded herself, she would only think about friendship, and what better way to establish one than to have some time to talk uninterrupted?

Darcy walked side by side with her, leading his horse behind him. Today his mount seemed to be the best friend he had ever had and worth every pound Darcy had spent on it. They walked in silence and his thoughts wandered from striving to guess her current feelings to joyful anticipation of their future encounters. It all seemed too wonderful to be true. He glanced at her and thought how beautiful she was. Her expression so glowing, her eyes bright from exercise. He could hardly believe he would meet her every day now. Oh, he loved Scotland, early coach drivers, boring dinners, Brougham’s river and oh, yes, and Miss Lucy.

“Miss Bennet, I hope your disagreement with Miss Lucy will not last. I would hope to meet you at Mrs. Steele’s dinner.”

She smiled at his statement. “I do not think you have anything to worry about there, Mr. Darcy. Miss Lucy may have shared her thoughts openly with me this morning, but she would not do so with anyone else. She would be very appalled if she knew you had overheard them. It is not the way she would want to be perceived, especially by you. Instead, she will pretend all is well at that dinner and will more than likely try to tell you of my folly if I dare speak more than a few words to you.

“In fact, you now have my assurances that I will keep my distance there in order to allow you a pleasant evening devoid of scandal. Otherwise, you would have to hear of my slander repeated, and it may even improve in her rendition. Yet I might like to hear her tell it myself, as long as that impish siren is not in the room causing me to act rashly of course,” she said, grinning as she looked up at him and waited for his response.

Darcy stopped, took her hand in his, and looked into her eyes.

“Miss Bennet, would you do me the favour of promising not to leave my side for the greater part of that evening? I do not wish to be deprived of your company only because someone else may have other plans.”

He smiled tenderly seeing her blush.

“Actually, I would have you make two promises. Would you also give me your word that you will try to have a higher opinion of me? Please, do not think me such a weak man that mere gossip might shake my opinion of you. In fact, I think that it will be best for all if Miss Lucy says what she wants to say as soon as possible. Then you would not need to worry any longer about if or when it will happen.”

“If you insist upon my almost constant company then you shall have it if it is within my power to grant, but I cannot see why you should have to spend the whole evening with me simply to help me show Miss Lucy I will not be bullied. It is not fair to you. But I also promise to raise my opinion of you to a much higher level, if there is a higher point possible for it to reach, for your reaction to every silly mistake I have made — and there have been many — has been most kind and understanding, so you deserve such elevation. The sirens remark is now among my favourites by the way. And perhaps you are even correct about letting Lucy have her say. If she must have it, it might as well be done and over as soon as possible. I just hope that she will not choose to do it in front of anyone but you!”

Darcy was grateful for her reply. “Miss Bennet, I cannot think of a more pleasant company for the evening. So you see, my request is quite a selfish one.”

They had just reached the place in the glen where Elizabeth needed to turn to go to Rosefarm Cottage. It was not much farther down the lane, the house just out of sight over a rise. It was there that Mr. Darcy took his leave of her. She waved goodbye as she watched him ride away on his horse, displaying a very fine seat indeed.

She turned toward the cottage, laying her palm against her cheek, and began walking back toward the house slowly, savouring her morning by reliving each moment in her memory. That she would meet him regularly from now on was quite unbelievable, and she had trouble convincing herself that the events of the morning really had occurred. She ought to send a thank you note to Lucy! She really should! For who could have predicted that such a disagreeable talk would have turned out in this way?

She was too happy with herself at the moment to wish to spoil it by coming back to reality. She wandered off to her right instead of going directly home, and found a large stone to sit upon for a while. She watched Lord Brougham pass in the lane some distance in front of her. He did not see her sitting there so still. The fact that he had visited this morning was what finally brought her back to her senses and the continuance of the rest of her journey. Holly would have seen him, and she wondered how her cousin had managed this time. Well, she thought, as she finally reached the house, good or bad, they might just have something to talk about besides where she has been this morning. That was something anyway.

When Brougham returned to Clyne from his visit to Rosefarm he could see Darcy over by the river at the far end of the slope leading up to the house. He seemed lost in thought and was standing very still. His Lordship trotted his horse over, and as he caught up with him, slid down to the ground and simply nodded to his friend.

He picked up a flat rock from the bank and threw it out over the Kye, watching it bounce a few times before it disappeared in the swirling waters.

“You know, I have had enough of boring business and papers indoors, not to mention parlours and keeping ladies entertained and their sensibilities nurtured. Let us take the guns out and go up to Clanoch first thing tomorrow morning and shoot some grouse or whatever else gets in our way. How does that sound? Mrs. McLaughlin would be thrilled. Besides getting rid of me interfering with her social life, she has complained we are short of meat for the table. Maybe that is her way of claiming you are eating us out of the house, but I confess it could not have come at a better moment. What do you say?”

Darcy needed a while to focus on Brougham’s speech and comprehend his words.

“Hmm, so you wish to go afield to hunt?” Darcy considered the idea, and seeing no plausible excuse to demure from it, he acquiesced, “Yes, hunting seems a very good idea, I suppose. I shall be ready at ten o’clock.”

“Ten o'clock? Are you sleeping badly, Darcy? I was thinking more of sneaking out at dawn and braving the elements for a change and certainly to avoid Mrs. McLaughlin’s preparations. Or do you have plans?”

“Brougham, I am on holiday. Why do you want to drag me from my bed in the middle of the night and have me yawning before supper? Simply tell Mrs. McLaughlin it is 10 o’clock. She will have enough time for her preparations without our assistance.”

“Ah well, just a thought. I thought we might even make a night of it if we go all the way to Clanoch since there is a little hut up there. No point in going so far up if we have to come straight down again. I will ask Mr McLaughlin to ride ahead and set it up. I thought we might walk and stretch our legs a bit for a change.”

His Lordship grabbed the reins of his horse and started to lead it towards Clyne.

“Well, I had better get the old boy here back. Are you joining me?”

Mrs. Tournier and Holly sat in the parlour together after Lord Brougham had left.

“…but speaking of Mr. Darcy, what sort of games is my niece playing with him? It was perfectly clear what Miss Lucy hopes to enact, but I cannot make head or tail of Lizzy? Does she or does she not like him?”

Holly took a moment to comprehend her mother’s question. “Games? What sort of games is Lizzy playing? Do you not mean it the other way round? Mr. Darcy is the one who looks to be playing games, and I only hope Lizzy is not hurt by them again.”

Mrs. Tournier looked at her daughter closely. She could feel her niece’s correspondence and the underlying sentiments she had relayed to her trickling through her brain. She decided to venture a guess.

“Hurt as in misjudging him perhaps?”

Holly spoke carefully, not knowing how much information she was free to share with her mother about Lizzy’s history with Mr. Darcy. She did not wish to betray a confidence, but it was her mother she was speaking to.

“She believes she has misjudged him. At one time he esteemed her highly, but at that same time she had a mistaken, as she believes, impression of his character. Just as she was beginning to alter her opinion of him Lydia eloped. His actions at the time made Lizzy believe that his opinion of her had changed for the worse. She endeavoured to forget him by coming away from home.

“Now, of course, he is here and she is unable to tell from his actions what his feelings are. He had told her that he desired nothing but friendship—but I wonder if she wishes it were more—though she would never admit such a thing to herself.

“I truly wish we had never run into them. These men, they do nothing but destroy our peace.”

Walking inside, Elizabeth found Holly with her head in her mother's lap. “I saw Lord Brougham leaving just now. I certainly hope that your current position is not a result of his visit.”

Holly rose and greeted her cousin with a kiss.

“Oh, it was nothing but the usual cannon fire, Lizzy, as mother and I were talking,” she answered with a smile. “You missed the entire visit. Where in the world were you off to for so long?”

Lizzy blushed, and trying to hide it, she turned to take a chair.

“I went for an early walk and had a rather eventful morning. The fields and forests are far more crowded than one would expect at that hour. I ran into Lucy coming to pay a visit.”

Both women looked at her with scowls on their faces, waiting for her to continue.

“Do not frown so.” She laughed. “I saved you from the visit by taking it all upon myself, so you both owe me.

“I thought perhaps she was only information gathering as is her usual, and it seems I was right. She wished to expand upon something she had already gleaned concerning Mr. Darcy’s tastes,” Lizzy looked at Holly meaningfully. “She mentioned wanting to clarify it with him, which of course I encouraged her to do.

“So, ladies, do tell me all about your morning. How was Lord Brougham’s visit?”

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